


It Was His to Begin With

by zayngasm



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-11
Updated: 2012-11-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 10:19:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/559921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zayngasm/pseuds/zayngasm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tell Harry that it was his to begin with, that it was his, always has been and always will be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Was His to Begin With

**Author's Note:**

> This is just . . . I don't know where it came from. Totally unrealistic, but ohhh well.

For those who aren't around the boy twenty-four seven it pounces on them over night and leaves them all a little dazed and confused. For the lads there are small signs they don't pay close attention to, but eventually become concerned about. Louis, on the other hand, senses something's wrong from the start.

Harry sleeps a lot more. And maybe Louis is the only one that notices because Louis shares a room with him. But it's different from him crashing on his bed after a long day of signings and crowds and singing and shouting and noise. It's different than Harry not being a morning person. It's Harry becoming someone who cannot stay awake for the life of him.

' _I'm just tired_ ,' he repeats, reassuringly, to Louis. Or trying to assure him, but it doesn't work, and Louis often finds himself focused on the boy in more than just the usual _I think I'm in love with my best friend_ kind of way that he's sort of secretly gotten use to in a _I’ll deny the fuck out of it even to myself_ sort of way.

Half the time Harry confuses the hell out of Louis and half the time it's like Louis realizes all that makes sense _is_ Harry.

And that does not do well in a head like Louis'.

It's also the breathing, which comes a couple months after Harry starts sleeping his life away. He has to lean on Louis for support after every show, causing Niall to _awe_ and Liam to look on with slight concern, but support. Zayn's off with his usual after-show smoke, but Louis is pretty sure he wouldn't care either.

* * *

A couple days later Harry gets a cold.

Or what starts off as a cold.

Because one minute he's coughing and he's warm and drinking soup and Louis thinks oh _oh_ this is what everything had been leading up to, and he feels relieved 'cause it's just a cold. Then a day passes and Harry's crying, and he's in so much pain, and Louis' in pain from watching him be in pain, and he doesn't know what to do. So he presses cold rags to Harry's burning body, and calls Liam, who call . . . someone, Louis isn't sure, but then people are showing up, and they're trying to get to Harry, but Louis doesn't want to leave his side. Liam pulls him away and Harry is gone.

* * *

Louis tries to feel relieved when they say its phenomena because Louis has had that

(that stupid winter when he agreed to run down the block with nothing on but his tight black briefs in negative degree weather)

and it will go away. The doctors smile encouragingly and promise that he'll be ready to go home in a couple days.

But they're not prepared. None of them are prepared for what comes next.

And Louis is clutching on to his chest and yelling at doctors and telling everyone to _fix_ him, because it's Harry and he _needs_ Harry.

But then Harry's mom is there and Louis' not the only one fighting and clutching on to Harry's lifeless hand and asking why.

_Why._

Why, God, why?

' _You can have a heart attack at any age_ ,' the doctor's inform as if this will make anyone feel better.

It doesn't, not really. But Niall has the gull to suggest that maybe that means they can fix him.

But _no, no they can't, Niall_ , Louis is shouting again. Because not only is Harry's heart not strong enough, nor is the rest of his body. Everything is inflamed from the phenomena and his heart is attempting to pump blood through his body, but it's just not working. 

* * * 

The doctors come to the conclusion that he needs a heart transplant.

And what's great is Harry is young and popular and famous and has money, also a great life expectancy, so he gets bumped up to the top of the waiting list.

But it's still a wait

and there's still a chance that something could go wrong.

So Louis is begging, talking in hushed voices, convincing, doing whatever he can to get Harry that heart that he deserves.

* * * 

It doesn't take long, really. They have to wait a couple days to make sure his body accepts the new heart

(of course it does _of course_ )

but eventually Harry is waking up to friends and family and everyone is leaning over him and hugging him and he laughs because he can't breathe, but it's a good kind of not being able to breathe.

Not like before.

Everyone is crying and hugging and talking and he feels overwhelmed but again, it's a good kind of overwhelmed.

But he's felt a little weird, like something's missing

(but at the same time maybe something is right, just _perfect_ )

someone more importantly

and he turns to his mom and asks where Louis is, because Louis should be there, should have been the first one he wrapped his weak arms around.

(They've always had that psychic power, able to tell when the other is nearby, and he can feel it now, but Louis is nowhere to be seen.)

His mom looks like she's about to start crying again and he's confused. He looks across the room, trying to meet someone's eyes, but no one will look at him. Red rimmed and tear filled, that's all he sees.

And then _he_ starts crying, because _where the hell is Louis_?

(his heart skips a beat and it takes him a minute to realize that that's his answer)

Finally his mom looks down at him, and says,

“About your donor heart, baby . . .”

(and he knows what she's going to say before she says it)

She starts going on, explaining all the technicalities and she's crying again,

somewhere in the back of his head someone says,

' _You can have Louis or your heart, but you can't have both_ '

which is ironic, because Louis _is_ his heart.

///

_a few days prior  
_

/// 

He's pacing outside of the doctor's office, the doctor he's gone back and forth with. One minute yelling, the next crying, the next pleading. It's a very frustrating circumstance, but there's hope, and thankfully the doctor understands.

When he asks if there's any news the doctor frowns, explaining how sometimes these things can take a while, even for someone as high up as Harry, and unfortunately Harry has a rare blood type which makes it more difficult.

But Louis already knows this because they went together to draw blood that one time.

(Louis is scared of needles and Harry promised to hold his hand the entire time.)

And they're the same blood type, Louis knows,

(thought it was more proof they were soul mates.)

He didn't speak this out loud then, but he does now. He would shout it from the roof top if he needed to.

So he voices this, he tells the doctor repeatedly to take it, because they're the same.

But the doctor won't take a heart from a healthy patient. Louis tries to make him understand that he's _not_ healthy, not really, and that he'll die without Harry, so it is better that Harry takes his place. But the doctor is shaking his head and Louis cries and says,

'It already _belongs_ to him'

and he knows it's true the second he says it. That this is what his heart was given to him for. To give to Harry. Because it's been Harry's since day one. And that's why Louis feels like Harry is his missing puzzle piece or vice versa in this case; Louis is holding Harry's final piece, everything he needs to fit the boy back together. If only the doctor would listen. 

And later, when he's lying on the bed, and his eyes are drooping shut because the stupid nurse put the mask on his face without asking him if he was ready,

(he thinks that's quite inconsiderate of her and maybe he'll haunt her for a bit after this)

he grips onto the doctors scrubs and pulls him close and tells him, makes him swear to tell Harry.

To tell Harry that **it was his to begin with** , that it was his, always has been and always will be.


End file.
